free wrote 1/31/13

i cant beleve trhat january is over this the last day and how the weather keeps changein all around kinda sucks nice cold noce cold now i am sick from it then again it may be cause i run outside with out a coat on all the time but half the time i am not cold so why wear a sweater that will make me uncomfortable in the first place. and especially if i a going to my car to a building to a building back to a car, and on on o no o n and on worth same cycle and all my mommy still yells at me for going out with no coat really funny given my age and all i try to tell and teach the kids that they need to wear coats and sweaters but they are like me stubborn and crazy lollo did get a new kpuppy so i a very happy about tht his name is duke endecott so freaking awesome of a dog smart funny loveeee animals am a big animal freak lolo i wishi could have big farm

free write 1/29/13

well it is getting closer to moving time cant wait super excited about it not really sure though what we are going to work on first right now we are thinking about getting a puppy but i want one now he wants to wait till we move and get settled in which is fine but awesome puppies are hard to find now a days and you have to train them which i dont mind cause i will have plenty of time to train the baby so i am not worried about it but i want a toy dog as well, not just any dog i want a black pug he wants an english bulldog and we both agreed that if it cant be either or then we can get a boxer instead of the ones we really want.

free write 1/24/2013

well yesterday was such a horrible day got into a big fight and was upset all day couldnt eat, all i wanted to do is sleep. didnt really care about anything else. around 11 pm at night finally got things figured out and back to normal which i am thankful for i know i have issues but i try to be a good person as much as possible i have been hurt in the past before and i am not sure if i will ever full recover from the things i have been through. but everyday is a step closer to being better things dont change overnight it takes time and patience especilaly when your in a relationship the other person has to understand were you are coming from and i have to cut them some slack as well sense yes i am the one with the issues and i shouldnt hold it against anyone else. my life is confusing though i keep moving forward, i stumble and fall yet get back up and dust myself off. i cry many tears but laugh many souls. i dance in the moonlight, to help my heart grow. i cant help the way i feel sometimes, when i go to sleep i sometimes wish i dont wake up i know it is not normal to think this way but i am sure there are many others out there who think this as well so i know i am not alone in sadness. not sure where i want to do in life not really sure what i want to do

intro

well there is not much to really say about myself, i am a single mom of two girls ages 10 and 11.
i like to read books sometimes depends on what it is about. i like scary movies, i am a biggggggggggggggggggggggggg twilight fan yes i know shame on me. i work at chateau on the lake in branson mo, which is were i currently live at. i have been out here for almost four years, well stuck here due to an exhusband. i will never call mo, my home i am from chicago il. was raised there my whole life i was born in cali. i love animals big animal person. like all kinds of music and movies.

free write 1/17/2013

Men really suck, and it is not all men there is a very small handful of men are okay. very small handful sometimes i wonder if they put men in classes all by themselves just to teach them on how to treat women and how to act around them. me and my boyfriend got into a fight last night cause we are buying a house and so far there is nothing that i have got to give my opinion on anything i am not sure why that is and when i tried to explain myself to him he just didnt seem to understand or even care about what i was trying to say. and i usually dont get mad about the fact he looks at other women the problem i have is that he says they are more pretty then i am. which hurts alot and he dont see nothing wrong with it at all. sometimes i wonder if i just wasted the last year and a half on someone who may not be right for me. i love him dearly but he dont understand at all. you would think after all this time he would want to share his day at work even if it is boring details it shouldnt matter about that at all its the fact of communication that is it. there is none on his half and he expects me to accept that but how can i accept these

free write -1/15/2013

totally stressed out wish i wasnt though, we are buying a house, we have to be packed and moved by the 21st of next month. on top of everything else i have school, and soon back to work, also have two kids to worry about getting them to their activities, and picking them up. it is hard especially when there is no control. i am not a control freak but i like some order to my life it makes me feel like i am accomplishing something. also we have to finish the basement to the house we are buying so my mom can move in she is getting older and about to retire and i would feel better knowing she is near by so i can take care of her she needs the help and needs to relax she is to stressed at her job and she is very sick and stubborn as well becasue she does not want to go to the doctor which i think is very silly. though i am the same way i dont go unless i am dying in pain and even then i wont go. today is the first day of school so i am very nervous i dont play well with others and not in the sense i am mean i am just very shy and have a hard time making friends mainly because i have trust issues from bad things that have happened through out my life. i am not sure if i will ever truely trust anyone only cause i have been hurt by close friends and mainly family. my life has been one hard knock life, but i keep chugging along hoping it will get better school is my first step to my gaining control of life. next step is figuing out what timpe of career i really want i have till the end of this semester to figure that out but with everything else such as moving and kids it hard to concentrate on what i want to do with myself i am going to try and figure this out by the end of the week or at the least end of the month. we have and inspector checking the  house on wend. i hope all goes well cause that is the main thing that will determine if we evne get the house. as long as it passes the inspection we are good to go if not then we will be back at the drawing board again. and we are running out of time that is for sure. his dad sold his house were we currently reside in and we all have to be out by march the first. so it is stressful we dont know what to expect and we hope all goes very well our future sort of depends on it.